Letters to Santa
by Psamathe
Summary: Five ocassions when Sam and Jack have spent Christmas Day together
1. Chapter 1

'Dear Mom and Dad,

I thought it would be hard being away from Christmas but not this hard…'

Jack O'Neill looked at the few words on the page before screwing up the  
paper and tossing it in the trash. Who was he kidding? A letter wasn't  
going to heal the rift between himself and his parents. He should have  
been there, but after an argument with his dad, Jack had refused the  
invitation to go home. The dumb thing was that, right now, he couldn't  
even remember what the fight had been about.

Looking out of the window, it seemed like he was the only person left on  
the base. It wasn't snowing. There was something very wrong about that  
and Jack felt all the more homesick for Minnesota. Damn it… he was  
twenty-three years old, a second Lieutenant in the USAF and he shouldn't  
be sitting her missing his Mom.

Jack was sorely tempted to head into the nearest town and drown his  
sorrows, but he didn't really want to piss off his new CO by returning  
to base drunk or hung over. Although Jack had yet to experience the  
man's anger, rumours were that the Colonel was a bit of a hard ass when  
it came to discipline. Nope, getting wasted wasn't on the agenda, but  
Jack was dammed if he was going to spend the whole of Christmas Day  
staring at the four walls of his room. Deciding that a little exercise  
might shake his despondent mood, he decided to go for a run.

Pounding the concrete served to raise his spirits a little. The base  
wasn't actually as deserted as it had appeared, but Jack hadn't been  
stationed there very long and only knew most of those he met by sight.  
He answered their greetings with a smile and a nod as he ran past. Most  
of them probably thought that he was extremely dedicated… or slightly  
mad to be running on Christmas day, but Jack had never been one to  
really care what other people thought of him. Besides, judging by the  
look one particular female lieutenant gave him, being out here in shorts  
and a singlet wasn't all bad.

He found himself turning around to watch her as she sashayed past, but  
running backwards wasn't a particularly good look for him… especially as  
he promptly tripped over a stray dog. The woman laughed and Jack felt  
himself blush. Unable to look her in the face, he turned his attention  
to the animal who had inadvertently stolen his cool. The Australian  
shepherd didn't seem in the least bit repentant as it meandered over to  
him and started licking his face.

"Where did you come from?" Jack asked, scratching the dog's ears.

Looking around, there was no sign of whoever owned the animal but the  
dog was wearing a collar with a tag,

"Armstrong," Jack read. There was an address on the other side. "Okay,  
buddy, let's take you home."

Armstrong seemed quite happy to trot along beside Jack as they made  
their way across the base to where the families were housed. Most of the  
houses were decorated and Jack found himself fighting another wave of  
homesickness as he saw the lights and tinsel. His Mom always went  
overboard on the decorations. She just loved Christmas.

Jack didn't have much trouble finding the right house. As soon as he  
opened the gate, Armstrong shot through it and started barking. The  
front door opened and a little girl dashed out, running towards the dog  
as fast as her short legs could carry her. Jack could tell from her  
swollen face that she'd been crying but she was all smiles as she flung  
her arms around the dog and buried her face in its thick coat. She  
couldn't have been more than seven or eight and the dog was almost as  
big as she was.

"Samantha?" a voice called from inside.

"Look Dad, Armstrong came home," the girl cried out.

A man appeared in the doorway and Jack immediately snapped to attention.  
It was none other than his commanding officer.

"Colonel Carter, sir!" he said as he saluted.

"At ease, lieutenant," the colonel replied before turning to his  
daughter. "What do you say Sam?"

"Thank you for bringing my dog home, sir," Samantha said, clinging to  
Armstrong's collar.

"Good girl, now go on back inside."

Both men watched as Samantha dragged the dog back into the house.

"Thanks… Jack O'Neill isn't it?" Carter went on.

"Yes, sir."

"You made my little girl's Christmas. Armstrong got out yesterday and we  
thought he was gone for good."

"You're welcome."

"Although I'm wondering what you're actually doing here."

"Sir?"

"I thought the point of having leave was that you actually left?"

Jack found himself looking at his feet, unable to answer the man. He had  
put in the request some time ago; when he still thought he would be  
going home for Christmas.

"Problems with your folks?" Carter prompted.

Wondering if the man had some kind of second sight or instinct that came  
with the rank, Jack nodded.

"Look, we're just about to sit down and eat. Why don't you join us?"

"I wouldn't want to intrude, sir."

"It's the least I can do."

The offer was tempting, but Jack knew there was something else that he  
had to do.

"I should call home," he said.

"You can do it from here. Besides, my wife would never forgive me if I  
let you leave without at least a glass of egg nog."

Despite himself, Jack followed the Colonel into the comfortable family  
home. Samantha was waiting just inside the door, obviously having heard  
the whole conversation. She slipped her little hand into Jack's,

"You can sit by me," she smiled up at him.


	2. Chapter 2

Jack O'Neill hated being away for Christmas. It had been bad enough when he'd been a young lieutenant but now he had a wife and kid it was almost unforgivable. Thank God he was married to Sarah. He doubted that there were many women who would be so understanding. Sometimes he thought she would forgive him anything.

Right now, he was finding it difficult to remember what home looked like. Looking around, Jack almost felt like he was on a different planet. He'd spent enough time in the Middle East that usually he had no problems coping with the culture change but this was different, this was Christmas. Even so, Jack figured that he probably would have been okay if it hadn't been for the letter from home. Charlie must have written it as soon as he realised that his Dad would be away for the holidays.

Even though he knew that Sarah would have been out and gotten gifts from both of them, Jack resolved to get Charlie something special upon his return. Maybe he'd dress up as Santa… even though he suspected that Charlie was already wise to that one, he knew the boy would play along. He was a good kid.

Unable to help himself, Jack withdrew the crumpled paper from his pocket, smiling as he read the childish scrawl.

"Dear Dad,

Mom said you can't be home for Christmas because you're defending our country which is okay, I guess. Mom says that when you get home we'll have another Christmas so you can join in. Will I get more presents? Just so you know I want a bike and a baseball bat and rocket ship.

I hope you are okay and come home.

Love

Charlie."

It was the last part that really made him choke up. He and Sarah had never made a secret of the fact that Jack's job was dangerous. Although they'd never mentioned the fact that Jack might get himself killed, Charlie had obviously picked up on the real meaning behind their well-chosen words. Jack couldn't imagine what it would be like not to see his son again.

Folding up the letter, Jack pushed it back into the pocket of his vest. It was Christmas night and he felt like he'd never been further away from home.

Of course, everyone here was in the same position. Across the way, he noticed a bunch of girls laughing and joking with a couple of marines. They were certainly out to make the best of the holidays despite being in the middle of a war zone, and Jack wondered if he shouldn't be doing the same… then he noticed the young woman who was standing at the edge of the group. She didn't look like she was enjoying herself very much. He had the feeling that she'd been dragged along under protest. She must have sensed his gaze because she raised her head and met his eyes. Even though he'd been married for years, Jack wasn't immune to a pretty girl, and this one was very pretty. He might even gone as far to say beautiful if it hadn't been for the woman waiting back home for him. As far as Jack was concerned, no one could hold a candle to his wife.

There were some guys, married or not, who wouldn't have thought twice about trying to get something from the attractive blonde, but Jack wasn't one of them. He was therefore somewhat shocked to see the fire in the depths of the young woman's eyes. He'd just been looking at her, for crying out loud! It wasn't a crime. Jack held up his hands in mute apology and her expression seemed to soften a little. He grinned at her, just to see if she would flare up again, but all she did was shake her head and smile.

"You still got it, O'Neill," Jack said to himself.

She held up her left hand and wiggled her ring finger. Engaged or married? Jack guessed that it was one or the other. Appreciating her candour, he did the same. Then he shrugged as if to tell her he was sorry that they hadn't met when they were both single. She threw him a smile and a wave before moving away with her friends.

Jack walked in the opposite direction. He had a letter to write to a boy who wanted his Dad to come home… and Jack was going to do everything in his power to make that wish come true.


	3. Chapter 3

Jack was staring at the ring on his finger as he ordered another scotch. There was no point in wearing it anymore he realised as he slipped it from his hand and put it in his pocket.

He'd lost count of the number of drinks that he'd had but the man behind the bar knew better than to refuse him another.

"Merry Christmas," he saluted the bar tender as the young man poured more whiskey.

Considering the fact that it was Christmas Day the place was busy. Deadbeats, Jack figured. Men like him who had nowhere else to go.

It was all so meaningless.

What was the point of going to another planet and saving the world if you came home to find that the woman you loved was no longer waiting?

Sarah had left him and Jack couldn't find it in his heart to blame her. They had been through so much in their years together, but Charlie's death had been the one storm that their relationship hadn't been able to weather. Their marriage had ended with a gunshot.

After the time at the hospital, Jack had thought that maybe he and Sarah could make it work. They'd started seeing each other again. Just casually, a dinner here… a movie there… it had been enough for Jack to put his wedding ring back on. That was until Argos and Kynthia.

Jack had never cheated on Sarah, no matter how far from home, no matter how cute the other woman had been he had always been able to say no. Kynthia had taken the choice away from him. In a fit of guilt, he had written Sarah a letter and confessed the whole thing.

'She drugged me… It meant nothing… I love you.'

The words he had used came back to haunt him. He blamed old age, firstly for writing the letter and then for persuading Daniel to post it. In his defence, Jack had expected to die. All he had wanted was to let Sarah know how much he still cared about her, but as screw-ups went, it was one of his best.

At first, he thought that Sarah had forgiven him. She'd been the one to call and suggest that they meet for a drink. Jack had had no idea that all she'd planned was to hand him the divorce papers. Dumb ass that he was, Jack had signed them without protest. It was the least he could do for her. After all, he was the one at fault. He was the one who had killed her son and then slept with another woman.

It was the whisky talking. At some level, Jack knew that, but the more he drank the more he listened to his inner demons. By the time that he was thrown out of the bar, he was just about ready to jump in front of the next car… but he didn't. Somehow, he managed to call a cab and get himself home. The last thing he expected as he staggered up the path as to find someone waiting for him. How long she had been there, he couldn't tell, but she looked half-frozen.

"Sarah?" he questioned.

It was late and the light wasn't too good but he could just about make out the blonde hair hidden in the depths of the parka. The woman raised her head and Jack realised that he'd made a mistake. Fighting back a wave of disappointment, he sat down on the step beside Captain Carter.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

She shrugged as she wrapped her arms more tightly about her body. Of all of his friends, Jack figured she was the last one to turn up on his doorstep on Christmas Day. He'd read her file, he knew that she had family and wondered why she wasn't with them.

"I shouldn't have come," she said, struggling to her feet.

"No… no… it's okay. It's fine."

His own problems were forgotten as he regarded her grief-stricken face.

"Daniel's locked himself in his quarters. Teal'c's been meditating for the last three days…It's just that this is my first Christmas since Jonas died and I knew you didn't have anybody… "

At another time, her presumption might have annoyed him, but not today. Jack figured that he could probably use the company. Swaying a little on his feet, he unlocked the door and led her inside. He'd put the decorations up in the hope that he and Sarah would be spending this day together. Right now, they looked vaguely ridiculous and did nothing to dispel the chill of the empty house.

"Take a seat, I'll light the fire," he said. "There's beer in the fridge."

"Thank you, sir."

Carter didn't go get a beer, but she did take a seat. Judging by the way she perched on the edge of the couch, Jack figured that she wasn't comfortable with being here. Again, he found himself wondering why she had come to him. It wasn't as if he'd ever been particularly nice to her. If she was looking for a shoulder to cry on then she'd come to the wrong place.

The fire lit, Jack moved through to the kitchen wondering exactly what he might have in the way of food. If Carter had come here expecting turkey and all the trimmings, she would be sorely disappointed.

"Frozen pizza?" he offered.

"Sounds great, sir," she called back.

Jack found himself grinning to himself. He was no Martha Stewart when it came to entertaining but he had the feeling that Carter wasn't either. She certainly seemed to relax a little once she had a drink in her hand and food in her stomach. Wondering how long she planned to stay, Jack flicked on the TV. Scanning through the channels, he settled on an old black and white film.

"This is one of my favourites," Carter said.

"I figured you'd be more Star Wars than Cary Grant," Jack replied.

"No sir… Science Fiction is okay but sometimes I like to leave the laser beams at work."

"Here's to that."

Jack raised his bottle and clinked it against hers.

The events of the day were catching up with him, and Jack found himself yawning as he settled back to watch the movie. The next thing he knew the sun was shining through the window and he was alone on the couch tucked up under a blanket.

"Carter?" he called out.

There was no reply and Jack felt vaguely disappointed. She must have crept out in the early hours and he was impressed that she'd managed to do so without waking him. It was only as he cleared up that he spotted the note tucked under his untouched beer bottle.

'Dear Sir,

Just wanted to say thank you for being here for me. Sleep Well.

Sam."


	4. Chapter 4

'Dear Sir,

It would mean a lot to both of us if you could come.'

The note she had scribbled on the bottom of the invitation was his undoing. Parties weren't really his thing, and Carter's engagement party was right up there with a sharp kick in the guts. But Jack just hadn't been able to say no to her… he never could.

"Sir… take your boots off and run across those hot coals."

"Okay Carter."

"Sir… just take this Tok'ra symbiote and let it screw with your head."

"Okay Carter." 

The damn woman had her hand around his heart and all she had to do was squeeze just a little. Jack doubted that she was actually aware of the effect that she had in him. She certainly didn't mean to use her powers for evil.

"Sir… just come along to my engagement party and watch me dance with another man."

"Okay Carter."

"Sir… let me rip your heart out."

So maybe that was an exaggeration, but he certainly felt his pulse race a little harder, and a queer ache in his chest as he watched her kiss her husband to be. She looked happy… happier than he'd ever seen her. Carter had finally gotten a life, but Jack wasn't part of it. The worst thing was that she had found herself a nice guy and he couldn't even bring himself to hate Pete.

It wasn't just the Sam/Pete thing that was making this party an uncomfortable experience. Everyone seemed to be walking on eggshells around him and Jack couldn't work out why. It was almost as if they expected him to pick a fight with Pete. As he watched the happy couple laughing over some private joke, he almost wished that he could find enough motivation to hit the guy.

Jack had been hoping that the SGC would call and drag him away from this, but it seemed as if all of the psychopaths in the universe were taking Christmas off. He'd called Walter three times already but the technician had steadfastly refused to call him back to work.

As the clock struck midnight, Jack realised that he finally had a good reason to leave. It had started snowing and he had to drive across town. Not that he was particularly worried about getting home, his truck could deal with most weather conditions, but it was a convenient excuse and he grabbed hold of it. Carter was busy with Pete under the mistletoe so Jack made his goodbyes and escaped.

He took a deep breath when he got outside, clearing his head and his senses. Trying to get Carter out of his brain was a little more difficult. She'd looked so great tonight. Jack wasn't a connoisseur of women's fashion but he knew enough to realise that her little black dress had fitted in all of the right places. He hated being reminded of the fact that she was a woman. It made him want to … do stuff.

The sounds from the party were muffled by the falling snow and had faded by the time Jack had reached the gate. As much as he would have liked to, he couldn't quite block out the cry of,

"Sir!"

Turning, he saw Carter making her way down the path towards him. Her heels hampered her progress and Jack was forced to stop to wait for her.

"You're leaving already?" she questioned when she finally reached his side.

"Carter, it's now Christmas Day… and I need my beauty sleep."

"But you didn't say goodbye."

"You looked kind of busy," he gently reminded her.

She looked down, her cheeks flushing a delicate shade of pink.

"It's cold, you should get back inside. Pete will wonder where you are."

Jack tried to keep the bitterness out of his tone, but he wasn't particularly successful. At that moment, he didn't really care. Making Carter hate him was easier than dealing with anything else she might do.

"Sir…" she began but Jack cut her off.

"Don't," he warned.

He didn't want to hear how sorry she was. Carter had made her choice and Jack was dealing with it in his own way. Right now, that meant getting out of here. However, his good intentions were ruined when he noticed what was hanging over the gate.

Mistletoe.

Jack looked at it, then down at Carter.

He meant to kiss her on the cheek, but she moved her head at the last moment and his caress landed squarely on her lips. It was so, so wrong, but Jack couldn't make himself pull away. At the very least, he expected a slap from Carter but her body was strangely pliant in his arms. The kiss seemed to go on forever and they were both shaking with cold by the time they pulled apart.

Carter opened her mouth to speak, but Jack placed a finger on her lips. He wasn't about to let her ruin her life with Pete.

"Goodbye, Carter," he whispered before walking away.


	5. Chapter 5

"Deck the halls with boughs of holly fa la la la la la la la la. 'Tis the season dum de dum de, fa la la la la de dum de daaaaaaa!"

Jack O'Neill couldn't keep the grin off his face as he listened to his wife singing in the shower. She couldn't hold a tune in a bucket and for a woman who could recite the periodic table backwards when drunk, she had a surprising amount of trouble when it came to remembering lyrics. He liked to think it was because her mind was on higher things… and not because she was just a bit rubbish when it came to singing.

Christmas day. The fire was lit, and Jack was seated in his favourite chair, classical music playing softly in the background as he waited for Sam to appear. He was a patient man. After all, he was damn lucky that she was here at all. They had so nearly screwed this up.

Yes, he could laugh about it now, but two years ago, he'd honestly believed that he'd lost her forever. It would have been his own fault if she'd married Pete. Jack knew that he had a stubborn streak a mile wide but he'd surpassed himself when it came to Carter. She'd tried repeatedly to get the message through his thick skull but Jack had refused to listen.

Jacob Carter's death had been the turning point. That moment in the observation room when she'd reached out and Jack had been there. He still had nightmares about what might have happened if he hadn't chosen that moment to check on her. After Jacob had passed away, Carter had cried for an hour and Jack had held her for the whole time. No thoughts about rooms or regulations, just two people who loved each other. When the tears dried, she had looked at him with new strength in her eyes and he knew that it was time.

So he asked her fishing.

Teal'c and Daniel came along, just to silence to gossips, but their friends didn't really intrude. He and Carter talked and talked and talked… more than they had ever done. Even after eight years, there was still a whole lot they didn't know about each other. They both knew that they couldn't afford to make any more mistakes.

Two months later Jack had asked her to marry him and Carter hadn't hesitated before saying yes.

"La la la, la la la, jingle all the way, oh what fun it is to la in a la la la la slay!"

The sound of the shower running was soon replaced by that of the hairdryer and Jack knew that she wouldn't be much longer. Looking over at the tree, he checked to make sure that her present was where he had left it. Not that he really expected it to have been abducted by aliens but you never knew. He was fairly sure that Ba'al would love some hot pink lingerie, but Jack would rather see Sam wearing it.

"Do you want your present now or will you wait until the others show up?"

Jack turned his head to see Sam standing behind him.

"Didn't I get my present last night?" he teased.

Sam blushed. He loved it when she did that.

"I thought we were going to wait," he went on.

Sam bit her lip, a nervous gesture and Jack wondered why she was worried. She came around to face him, waiting for him to put his book down before sitting on his lap.

"What's wrong?" he asked as she snuggled against him.

In reply, she handed him an envelope.

"What's this?" he asked.

"Your present."

Curious, Jack ripped the envelope open and an official looking letter fluttered to the floor. Sam didn't seem inclined to leave his lap so he was force to strain to reach the errant piece of paper. Then he read it.

Once.

Twice.

Again.

"You sure?" he asked.

"It's early days… but the test results are positive and…" Sam took a deep breath and nodded.

Moving slowly, in absolute wonder, Jack let his hand rest on her stomach, imagining that he could feel something… could feel the fragile new life within. And he realised that he had nothing left to wish for.

"Happy Christmas," she whispered.


End file.
